Michèle

It was a cold winter’s day the last time I saw her.

***

The soft breeze that was blowing the dried leaves around was also swaying her brown curls when I saw her wrapping herself up in her cinnamon-coloured coat, like her scent.

Sitting on a bench, she was waiting for me, to tell me adieu forever.

 I doubted whether to come up to her and make it happen, or to start running… But she was going to leave anyway, whether I went or not.

With resignation and sadness, I put my hands in my jacket pockets, approached slowly and sat to her side.

I didn’t say hello and neither did she.

We didn’t look at each other and were, like that, together all the afternoon. Without knowing what to say, what to do, how to say goodbye... Just silence.

When the sun was starting to set, she stood up and with her back to me, she said goodbye in a whisper and started to walk…

Then I called her “Michèle!” She stopped, but didn’t turn around. “I love you…” I murmured with my eyes fixed on her back. I heard a sigh and she started to walk again.

I was just standing there, by the bench. When I was about to go home – as I couldn’t stand watching her leave with that indifference – she turned around. “Je t’aime”. I saw it in her greenish eyes. I read it on her lips and in the crystalline tears rolling down her cheeks.

***

And she left.

Far away.

And I never again saw “my Michèle”.

___________________

Some weeks ago I was tidying up the basement and I found my old notebook where I used to write down stuff, draw, etc. I started to read it and bumped into this note I had written almost 6 years ago. It was about what happened the day my first girlfriend left. Now I have overcome it, but then it pretty much changed my life. 

Long story short: I was 18 and I had never questioned my sexual orientation, until I met her. After some months struggling with it, I finally accepted that I was into girls. She didn't want to hide our relationship and kind of pushed me to come out. I did, and that meant many problems with my parents, who didn't accept it (and nowadays still have trouble about it). So yeah, after those months, when we were at the peak of our relationship, she tells me she has to leave and go back to her country. That was something she had known all the time, but never told me about it. That pissed me off really much and I stopped seeing her. The thing is that I hated her for turning my life upside down, but at the same time I couldn’t help loving her. Some days later, she left me a message in case I wanted to go and say goodbye the day before her departure. 

Back then I used to think she was a bitch for not telling me, but now I realize that what she did was the best for me and thanks to that I had one of the greatest times in my life. Because, you know, ignorance is bliss.